Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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