he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
