drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
