My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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