I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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