that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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