Can i not drive my cunt home
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
