hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
