In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize