OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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