My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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