Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
