I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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