you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
