Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
