So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
