We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
