Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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