you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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