What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
