margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
