Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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