She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
