is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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