and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
