sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
