kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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