so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
