How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
