the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
