i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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