I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
