she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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