I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
