Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
