Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
