I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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