ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
