so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is classic penis vs brain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
