I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
