Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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