I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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