if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
