This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
