have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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