Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize