he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
