omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
