I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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