a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
