I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
