My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
