I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
