We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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