I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
These tits shall not be calmed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
