This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
