Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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