I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
