3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
