i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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