Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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