saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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